For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too muchpressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I AM TIRED
BECAUSE I AM OVERWORKED!
The population of this country is 300 million. 167 million are
retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in
school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government,
leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do
the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City
Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given
time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to
do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two
people to do the work. You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes, while I have to do
all the work! No wonder I am so tired and worn out!
The Purple Jesus Save us all
Now roll up your sleeves and bend over: Let me get to work and tell you
a story, about the good ol' days...Back in 2007 I got away from the Marines,
on a section 8 discharge with good conduct and a Congressional Medal of
Honor. But every body thought I was insane, cause I'd been on every tour,
of duty since 2003, nobody'd give me a job.
But I got a GI loan from the guy I saved in the battle for AGoatBuuttiaho
Iraq. He was a rich kid and I saved him by shooting him, accidently.
He was in a safe area for 2 months and went back and got elected to
Congress after Bush and all them other Politico's got impeached.
Praise the Plastic Purple Jesus.You'll know why in a minute.
I went to visit him on Thanksgiving, at his invite.
We got to drinkin' some purple kush from Afghanistan and got perty
wacko.
I stuck a gun to his head and said, I saved your worth less ass in
Iraq, now you can save mine in Texas. He was remarkably helpful.
So I moved to the desert in Arid-zona, (reminded me of Iraq),
bought an old Diamond Reo tow truck and fixed it up.
I found a 20 foot tall Plastic Jesus at an old abandoned traveling fundamentalist
Evangelical magic show. It was in good shape so I mounted it on top of my tow
truck, but something was missing. I hollowed out the plastic eye sockets and fixed
2 hallucinogen 1200 watt purple hi beams in place of the eyes. I hooked 'em up to
a separate marine yacht battery with it's own alternator. It was beautiful 1200 watts
of purple laser light show right outta Jesus' eyes...
Well sometimes on a late night run to the middle of the Mojave, to give people
a sight they'd remember, I'd flip on them purple hi beam Jesus eyes and come
up on the poor stranded motorists at about 100 MPH. I'd switch off them
head lights but leave the purple Jesus lasers on. I gotta tell you, there's a lot
of magic mushrooms and cactus out in that desert. People get hungry and thirsty
waitin' for help, and I'm the only 1 they can get on my 2400 watt cell phone,
I borrowed from NASA, when I lived in Huntsville Alabamian. I get most
of the distress calls. So anyway since Hallow's eve, that was a real busy night
with the drunks and college students and all.
Coming up on 'em at 100 MPH at night with my headlights off and Purple Jesus
ridin' on top, with his laser eyes on....Aw shit I forgot about the 1800 watt
loud speaker I got mounted under the hood, and I play a wolf screamin' out of it,
just for the desert ambiance.
Anyway, you come up on 'em a howlin' like a wolf and the eyes of Jesus blindin'
you purple, and the fact some of these people weren't right in the first place....
Let me just put it this way,,,,since Halloween, I've had 14 suicides, 12 natural
child births, and 44 "Religious conversions", 17 went psychotic, and 11 runaways.
We found 2 alive, 9 never seen again and 103 totally abandoned cars, trucks,
RV's and motorcycles. I had a riot when a tour bus ran outta gas, had to shoot
3, but the rest kinda calmed down after that, we buried them out there cause
it was awful hot, and them ol' folks get ripe perty quick, especially after soilin'
their clothes and all.
I've had a lot of women offer themselves to me for savin'
Them, some boys too, but I just like the gals. Had a lot of Alcoholics swear off,
and drug addicts give me their dope, 5 people just jumped outta the truck, 1 of
'em came into the gas station not remembering anything and delirious with thirst.
I don't sell water though, it's free.
I had to re-upholster the whole cab of my truck with plastic seats and carry lots
of reach arounds, assorted sizes of Depends, towels and handy wipes.
I'm thinkin' maybe I should carry a porta-potty on the back of the truck with
a vending slot that'll take cash and credit cards.
Of course I got a used car lot, a laundromat, a used clothing store, a total of 28
men's and ladies clean restrooms and a "Praise The Lord Purple Jesus Church."
I just preach and manage and drive the truck at night from dusk till dawn,
That's when it gets interestin'.....
