YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN
in FASCINATION
of
A GANG OF GENTLEMEN
WHO IGNORE;
THEY KNOW WHERE
YOU HAVE BEEN,,,
but
THE SEA IS CALM once more
YET UNDERNEATH,,,
Where nothing ever touches,
AN OCEAN OF EMOTION, roars
So
REGARDLESS OF THE CONSEQUENCES
YOUR BOAT, IS MADE OF PAPER
and EVERYONE NOTICES
That IT ISN'T WORTH THE RAIN
TO fulfill your OCEAN

The Dream of you and Us

The Eye of God Nebulae

The Eye of God

Death and Birth
The day and night
Night and day of Divine Being
Longer than the time of Earth
still longer than the scales;
The illusion of Time
The deep appealing idea
The universe is the dream of Divinity
Whom after a notion of His years
dissolves himself into a dream less sleep
and the universe with Him
with another awakening, stirs infinity
and arouses to the dream of us
and the stars breathe and sigh
and we pause and pulse
Forever there are an infinite number
of skies each with it's idea
tempered with other visions;
Life, Death, birth and Love
Men may not dream the dreams of God
but God is the dream of us

You and I are just a part of Circles
in God's Eyes

Girl of the Ocean

While you are with me here now
Please realize there is a beauty
to all things, even to as above
and below
Know all purposes are things
that matter and sometimes
even the terrible beast
whispers of love
and sings
Some things are meant
to come and to go
like the leaves on tree's
and the flowers scent
The color of fall
the green of spring
everywhere
and yes dear
even loving
As we wait for the flowers
The sunshine
The Rain
and the hours
we spent together
to return again
My Spirit is forever
Cry no more

The Matador

In the deep jungle shadows
lurks a beast of great power
that lusts my soul like meat
or ripened fruit turned alcohol
you have wanted me wrong
and long
but it is death they serve you
on a silver flying platter
they, you do not understand
does death matter
it's only a metaphor
for other things no one can defend
there is a death to silence
and the light everyday
but no analogy
tells the truth better
than you to me

I work the Purple Jesus road of Glory

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much
pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I AM TIRED
BECAUSE I AM OVERWORKED!
The population of this country is 300 million. 167 million are
retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in
school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government,
leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do
the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City
Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given
time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to
do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two
people to do the work. You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes, while I have to do
all the work! No wonder I am so tired and worn out!

The Purple Jesus Save us all

1. 
   
   Now roll up your sleeves and bend over: Let me get to work and tell you
   a story, about the good ol' days...Back in 2007 I got away from the Marines,
   on a section 8 discharge with good conduct and a Congressional Medal of
   Honor. But every body thought I was insane, cause I'd been on every tour,
   of duty since 2003, nobody'd give me a job.
   But I got a GI loan from the guy I saved in the battle for AGoatBuuttiaho
   Iraq. He was a rich kid and I saved him by shooting him, accidently.
   He was in a safe area for 2 months and went back and got elected to
   Congress after Bush and all them other Politico's got impeached.
   Praise the Plastic Purple Jesus.You'll know why in a minute.
   I went to visit him on Thanksgiving, at his invite.
   We got to drinkin' some purple kush from Afghanistan and got perty
   wacko.
   I stuck a gun to his head and said, I saved your worth less ass in
   Iraq, now you can save mine in Texas. He was remarkably helpful.
   So I moved to the desert in Arid-zona, (reminded me of Iraq),
   bought an old Diamond Reo tow truck and fixed it up.
   I found a 20 foot tall Plastic Jesus at an old abandoned traveling fundamentalist
   Evangelical magic show. It was in good shape so I mounted it on top of my tow
   truck, but something was missing. I hollowed out the plastic eye sockets and fixed
   2 hallucinogen 1200 watt purple hi beams in place of the eyes. I hooked 'em up to
   a separate marine yacht battery with it's own alternator. It was beautiful 1200 watts
   of purple laser light show right outta Jesus' eyes...
   Well sometimes on a late night run to the middle of the Mojave, to give people
   a sight they'd remember, I'd flip on them purple hi beam Jesus eyes and come
   up on the poor stranded motorists at about 100 MPH. I'd switch off them
   head lights but leave the purple Jesus lasers on. I gotta tell you, there's a lot
   of magic mushrooms and cactus out in that desert. People get hungry and thirsty
   waitin' for help, and I'm the only 1 they can get on my 2400 watt cell phone,
   I borrowed from NASA, when I lived in Huntsville Alabamian. I get most
   of the distress calls. So anyway since Hallow's eve, that was a real busy night
   with the drunks and college students and all.
   Coming up on 'em at 100 MPH at night with my headlights off and Purple Jesus
   ridin' on top, with his laser eyes on....Aw shit I forgot about the 1800 watt
   loud speaker I got mounted under the hood, and I play a wolf screamin' out of it,
   just for the desert ambiance.
   Anyway, you come up on 'em a howlin' like a wolf and the eyes of Jesus blindin'
   you purple, and the fact some of these people weren't right in the first place....
   Let me just put it this way,,,,since Halloween, I've had 14 suicides, 12 natural
   child births, and 44 "Religious conversions", 17 went psychotic, and 11 runaways.
   We found 2 alive, 9 never seen again and 103 totally abandoned cars, trucks,
   RV's and motorcycles. I had a riot when a tour bus ran outta gas, had to shoot
   3, but the rest kinda calmed down after that, we buried them out there cause
   it was awful hot, and them ol' folks get ripe perty quick, especially after soilin'
   their clothes and all.
   I've had a lot of women offer themselves to me for savin'
   Them, some boys too, but I just like the gals. Had a lot of Alcoholics swear off,
   and drug addicts give me their dope, 5 people just jumped outta the truck, 1 of
   'em came into the gas station not remembering anything and delirious with thirst.
   I don't sell water though, it's free.
   I had to re-upholster the whole cab of my truck with plastic seats and carry lots
   of reach arounds, assorted sizes of Depends, towels and handy wipes.
   I'm thinkin' maybe I should carry a porta-potty on the back of the truck with
   a vending slot that'll take cash and credit cards.
   Of course I got a used car lot, a laundromat, a used clothing store, a total of 28
   men's and ladies clean restrooms and a "Praise The Lord Purple Jesus Church."
   I just preach and manage and drive the truck at night from dusk till dawn,
   That's when it gets interestin'.....

OK I dream a lot but I make funny too

Frankly I think all Doctors are Bozo's

Medical Terminology for the Layman

A.D.D: opposite of subtract, *1 & 1 makes a three some

ALCOHOLIC: the bartender at the country club

AN EMERGENCY CASE: last case of Scotch behind the boxes in the closet

ANTIBODY: against everyone

ANTIDOTE: and he don't smoke no more, * my aunt's got Alzheimer

AUTOPSY: Mexican doctor doesn't want a convertible, *Chinese doctor wants a convertible Jaguar

AROMA THERAPY: doctors best medical marijuana he took to Rome with his head nurse at Christmas

ARTERY: the study of fine paintings

ATTENTION DEFICIT: HUH?, * I'm over drawn, transfer funds from petty cash

BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria

BANDAGES: The Rolling Stones

BARIUM: what you do when CPR fails

BENIGN: what you be after you be eight

BIRD FLU: well most of 'em do, *my mistress left me

BOTULISM: tendency to make mistakes

BOWELS: letters like A, E, I, O, or U

CESAREAN SECTION: a district in Rome, *where you stab JULIUS CAESAR

C-SECTION: between B and D, mid court third row up

CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing

CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty

CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her

CHEMOTHERAPY: my nephew sells wigs, *my brother is a lawyer he can help you with a will, * Wow Aruba on just 1 patient, * we only accept cash now, *uhh did you call Vito about that lil sumin sumin, * it's Wednesday, *the bar is open

COLIC: a sheep dog, usually named Lassie

COMA: a punctuation mark

CONGENITAL: friendly

CO-PAY: doctor has to collect from two c*^k suckers

CORTISONE: the local courthouse

D & C: where Washington is

DILATE: to live longer, *never say die till all the money's gone

DYSFUNCTIONAL: this freaking thing don't work at all, *I need a drink, where's my freaking pills

ED: an old sit com about a talking horse, *you are very impotent to us

ENEMA: not a friend, * the opposite of cinema, * the unborn baby

ER: the things on your head that you hear with, * or 'ere take this

ERECTION: the act of Ha-pp, * HA-penis, * what Chinese people do to vote for a leader

ETCETERA: an expensive and fancy name for aspirin, *(Excedrin)

EXCITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME: I'm gonna kick that rich bastards ass if he doesn't pay me

EXPERIMENTAL SURGERY: all the mice died, * I'm sorry you need back surgery

FESTER: quicker, one of the Addams family

FIBRILLATE: to tell lies

G.I. SERIES: championship baseball games between teams of soldiers

GENES: blue denim slacks

GENITAL: non-Jewish, * a soft touch, * not Harsh

GRIPPE: what you do to a suitcase

HANGNAIL: a coat hook

HEAD NURSE: the one with knee pads

HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space, * Male humanoid

HERPES: what women do in the Ladies Room

HORMONES: what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid

HYGIENE: what you say to Jean if she's been good, the next day, * blue jeans over your ankles

ICU: peek-a-boo, * I can't understand the cost of medical treatment

IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known, * see ED

INPATIENT: tired of waiting

INTERNISTS: a penchant for burglary, * doctor who lost his license and is a undertaker

INTOXICANTS: uh yes absolut,* See Al or Vito, * see also Aroma Therapy, Narcotics or see ya at the club on Wednesday

LABOR PAIN: hurting at work, lots of insurance money, * what the nurses do, not the doctors

LACTOSE INTOLERANT: I like her breasts but her feet are disgusting

LEGALLY BLIND: no doctor here, do you see the doctor, *doctor has left the country club bar

LEGALLY DEAD: doctor has to send Vito to collect, *doctor gets caught screwing Vito's wife

LEGALLY DRUNK: Good morning, I'm your doctor, *Happy Hour at the club, *NAA NO MO FREAKIN SCOTCH AL, I'm due in surgery in a half hour, HELP ME OUTTA THIS FREAKIN TOILET, I could buy and sell you AL,,,,,,,,,RAALLPHH, get me a towel AL

MAL-PRACTICE: Good morning I'm your doctor, * How Lawyers afford Jaguars, head secretaries, trips to Rome and Aruba and the country club and of course medical marijuana

MAL-PRACTICE SUIT: your most expensive Armani suit, bought in Rome

MEDICAID: me dick hurts, *you're a bum,* see also LEGALLY DEAD

MEDICAL MARIJUANA: what the doctor smokes

MEDICALLY APPROVED: yes we take Visa and MasterCard

MEDICAL EMERGENCY: you can't pay the Doctor

MEDICAL EMERGENCY TRAUMA: patient walks in, when doctor and new nurse are naked

MIGRAINE: not your corn

MEDICARE: unless doctor gets paid he don't care, aw screw it, it's a tax break

MEDICAL STAFF: a doctor's cane, * doctors Harem

MINOR OPERATION: somebody Else's, *a young girl, *Wednesdays at the club

MORBID: a higher offer, *the doctors mother in law

NARCOTICS: babe magnets,*doctors ONE a DAY, or as many as he wants, * a form of currency for wealthy patients

NEURITIS: I need a newer Jaguar, *at least she's younger and prettier than the old head nurse
NITRATE: lower than day rate

NITROUS OXIDE: don't worry be happy time, *the doctor is out * on an emergency case

NODE: was aware of , * I node dat

OBGYN: mythical name of Star Wars character, Obie Wan

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE SYNDROME: I don't care if it is a sin, I want to take my new nurse driving around in Rome in my new Jaguar convertible for Christmas

OBSTETRICIAN: an electrician's truck stuck in the road, or any electrical obstruction, eg, telephone pole, wires etc.

ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move, * act of sleeping with two women
ORGANIC: church musician

OUTPATIENT: a person who has fainted

PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories

PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go

PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture

PHYSICAL: doctor gets to feel your secret places, doctor has a good golf game

PHYSICAL THERAPY: what the doctor does in the back seat of his Jaguar

PHYSICIAN: a gin fizz,* vodka and tonic, * joke name for Al at the country club

PLASTER CAST: the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert

PLASTIC SURGERY: what a doctor does to your credit card, *what you'll need if you see Vito, * what the doctors wife gets after the divorce settlement

POST-OPERATIVE: a letter carrier, *a reservation at the country club, * first drink after a long day, *what the head nurse does after closing

PROTECTED SEX: vasectomy, * Vito holds the gun to her head, * your brothers a Lawyer, * a pre-nuptial agreement, * she's over 16 or 18, depends on state, * Vito never goes against the family

PROTEIN: in favor of young people

PRN; please return nurse when finished or neccessary

RECOVERY ROOM: place to upholster furniture, * party room for doctors, well you were passed out,* wife has gone to her mothers, * bigger back seats in a Cadillac

RECTUM: what happened to the Corvette, and the Jaguar

RED BLOOD COUNT: Dracula, *oh it's that time of the month

RHEUMATIC: amorous (Inclined to love tupid), * not automatic, * an automatic room

SALINE: where you go on your boat

SECRETION: hiding anything

SEROLOGY: study of English knighthood

SOUND MEDICAL ADVICE: Pay me you SOB or Vito will kill you, do you hear me

SUPPOSITORY: Suppose I hide my assets off shore in a secret place

SURGERY: a reason to get an uninterruptedly power supply

STAPH INFECTION: all the nurses get a sexually transmitted disease, a lack of rubber

STERILE OPERATION: the doctors lawyer says your wife couldn't be pregnant he had a vasectomy

STERILE SOLUTION: use the stairs not using the elevator during a fire, Johnny Walker Black Label

TABLET: a small table

TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport

TIBIA: country in North Africa

TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak, * what happens when you go to Atlanta

TUMOR: an extra pair, * yer outta Wild Turkey, na I got tumor in the bath room

URINE: opposite of "you're out", * Urine good hands with Allstate

VARICOSE: very close, * Bella Lugosi's wife

VASECTOMY: why the doctor didn't get your wife or daughter or his staff pregnant, *the art of gluing vases together

VEIN: conceited

VIAGRA: a place to get married and watch a big waterfall, * what you take to not pee on your shoes

WARTS: bible says there will be rumors of

X RAY: code name of doctors movies of you undressing

,,,What writers have to live with!

In my Room

DEAR GIRL,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The
following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the DOGS?
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said you weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching a movie
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


TO MY DEAR MAN,

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you
didn't
get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play with the DOG?
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your shorts while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching Jessica Simpson movies, over and over , etc. on TV

Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because
you
missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack
in the
ceiling, what I said was , "Would you prefer me on my back or
kneeling?" The
time you felt me move was because you farted and I was
trying to breathe.