Frankly I think all Doctors are Bozo'sMedical Terminology for the Layman
A.D.D: opposite of subtract, *1 & 1 makes a three some
ALCOHOLIC: the bartender at the country club
AN EMERGENCY CASE: last case of Scotch behind the boxes in the closet
ANTIBODY: against everyone
ANTIDOTE: and he don't smoke no more, * my aunt's got Alzheimer
AUTOPSY: Mexican doctor doesn't want a convertible, *Chinese doctor wants a convertible Jaguar
AROMA THERAPY: doctors best medical marijuana he took to Rome with his head nurse at Christmas
ARTERY: the study of fine paintings
ATTENTION DEFICIT: HUH?, * I'm over drawn, transfer funds from petty cash
BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria
BANDAGES: The Rolling Stones
BARIUM: what you do when CPR fails
BENIGN: what you be after you be eight
BIRD FLU: well most of 'em do, *my mistress left me
BOTULISM: tendency to make mistakes
BOWELS: letters like A, E, I, O, or U
CESAREAN SECTION: a district in Rome, *where you stab JULIUS CAESAR
C-SECTION: between B and D, mid court third row up
CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty
CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her
CHEMOTHERAPY: my nephew sells wigs, *my brother is a lawyer he can help you with a will, * Wow Aruba on just 1 patient, * we only accept cash now, *uhh did you call Vito about that lil sumin sumin, * it's Wednesday, *the bar is open
COLIC: a sheep dog, usually named Lassie
COMA: a punctuation mark
CONGENITAL: friendly
CO-PAY: doctor has to collect from two c*^k suckers
CORTISONE: the local courthouse
D & C: where Washington is
DILATE: to live longer, *never say die till all the money's gone
DYSFUNCTIONAL: this freaking thing don't work at all, *I need a drink, where's my freaking pills
ED: an old sit com about a talking horse, *you are very impotent to us
ENEMA: not a friend, * the opposite of cinema, * the unborn baby
ER: the things on your head that you hear with, * or 'ere take this
ERECTION: the act of Ha-pp, * HA-penis, * what Chinese people do to vote for a leader
ETCETERA: an expensive and fancy name for aspirin, *(Excedrin)
EXCITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME: I'm gonna kick that rich bastards ass if he doesn't pay me
EXPERIMENTAL SURGERY: all the mice died, * I'm sorry you need back surgery
FESTER: quicker, one of the Addams family
FIBRILLATE: to tell lies
G.I. SERIES: championship baseball games between teams of soldiers
GENES: blue denim slacks
GENITAL: non-Jewish, * a soft touch, * not Harsh
GRIPPE: what you do to a suitcase
HANGNAIL: a coat hook
HEAD NURSE: the one with knee pads
HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space, * Male humanoid
HERPES: what women do in the Ladies Room
HORMONES: what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid
HYGIENE: what you say to Jean if she's been good, the next day, * blue jeans over your ankles
ICU: peek-a-boo, * I can't understand the cost of medical treatment
IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known, * see ED
INPATIENT: tired of waiting
INTERNISTS: a penchant for burglary, * doctor who lost his license and is a undertaker
INTOXICANTS: uh yes absolut,* See Al or Vito, * see also Aroma Therapy, Narcotics or see ya at the club on Wednesday
LABOR PAIN: hurting at work, lots of insurance money, * what the nurses do, not the doctors
LACTOSE INTOLERANT: I like her breasts but her feet are disgusting
LEGALLY BLIND: no doctor here, do you see the doctor, *doctor has left the country club bar
LEGALLY DEAD: doctor has to send Vito to collect, *doctor gets caught screwing Vito's wife
LEGALLY DRUNK: Good morning, I'm your doctor, *Happy Hour at the club, *NAA NO MO FREAKIN SCOTCH AL, I'm due in surgery in a half hour, HELP ME OUTTA THIS FREAKIN TOILET, I could buy and sell you AL,,,,,,,,,RAALLPHH, get me a towel AL
MAL-PRACTICE: Good morning I'm your doctor, * How Lawyers afford Jaguars, head secretaries, trips to Rome and Aruba and the country club and of course medical marijuana
MAL-PRACTICE SUIT: your most expensive Armani suit, bought in Rome
MEDICAID: me dick hurts, *you're a bum,* see also LEGALLY DEAD
MEDICAL MARIJUANA: what the doctor smokes
MEDICALLY APPROVED: yes we take Visa and MasterCard
MEDICAL EMERGENCY: you can't pay the Doctor
MEDICAL EMERGENCY TRAUMA: patient walks in, when doctor and new nurse are naked
MIGRAINE: not your corn
MEDICARE: unless doctor gets paid he don't care, aw screw it, it's a tax break
MEDICAL STAFF: a doctor's cane, * doctors Harem
MINOR OPERATION: somebody Else's, *a young girl, *Wednesdays at the club
MORBID: a higher offer, *the doctors mother in law
NARCOTICS: babe magnets,*doctors ONE a DAY, or as many as he wants, * a form of currency for wealthy patients
NEURITIS: I need a newer Jaguar, *at least she's younger and prettier than the old head nurse
NITRATE: lower than day rate
NITROUS OXIDE: don't worry be happy time, *the doctor is out * on an emergency case
NODE: was aware of , * I node dat
OBGYN: mythical name of Star Wars character, Obie Wan
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE SYNDROME: I don't care if it is a sin, I want to take my new nurse driving around in Rome in my new Jaguar convertible for Christmas
OBSTETRICIAN: an electrician's truck stuck in the road, or any electrical obstruction, eg, telephone pole, wires etc.
ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move, * act of sleeping with two women
ORGANIC: church musician
OUTPATIENT: a person who has fainted
PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories
PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go
PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
PHYSICAL: doctor gets to feel your secret places, doctor has a good golf game
PHYSICAL THERAPY: what the doctor does in the back seat of his Jaguar
PHYSICIAN: a gin fizz,* vodka and tonic, * joke name for Al at the country club
PLASTER CAST: the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert
PLASTIC SURGERY: what a doctor does to your credit card, *what you'll need if you see Vito, * what the doctors wife gets after the divorce settlement
POST-OPERATIVE: a letter carrier, *a reservation at the country club, * first drink after a long day, *what the head nurse does after closing
PROTECTED SEX: vasectomy, * Vito holds the gun to her head, * your brothers a Lawyer, * a pre-nuptial agreement, * she's over 16 or 18, depends on state, * Vito never goes against the family
PROTEIN: in favor of young people
PRN; please return nurse when finished or neccessary
RECOVERY ROOM: place to upholster furniture, * party room for doctors, well you were passed out,* wife has gone to her mothers, * bigger back seats in a Cadillac
RECTUM: what happened to the Corvette, and the Jaguar
RED BLOOD COUNT: Dracula, *oh it's that time of the month
RHEUMATIC: amorous (Inclined to love tupid), * not automatic, * an automatic room
SALINE: where you go on your boat
SECRETION: hiding anything
SEROLOGY: study of English knighthood
SOUND MEDICAL ADVICE: Pay me you SOB or Vito will kill you, do you hear me
SUPPOSITORY: Suppose I hide my assets off shore in a secret place
SURGERY: a reason to get an uninterruptedly power supply
STAPH INFECTION: all the nurses get a sexually transmitted disease, a lack of rubber
STERILE OPERATION: the doctors lawyer says your wife couldn't be pregnant he had a vasectomy
STERILE SOLUTION: use the stairs not using the elevator during a fire, Johnny Walker Black Label
TABLET: a small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport
TIBIA: country in North Africa
TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak, * what happens when you go to Atlanta
TUMOR: an extra pair, * yer outta Wild Turkey, na I got tumor in the bath room
URINE: opposite of "you're out", * Urine good hands with Allstate
VARICOSE: very close, * Bella Lugosi's wife
VASECTOMY: why the doctor didn't get your wife or daughter or his staff pregnant, *the art of gluing vases together
VEIN: conceited
VIAGRA: a place to get married and watch a big waterfall, * what you take to not pee on your shoes
WARTS: bible says there will be rumors of
X RAY: code name of doctors movies of you undressing
